Hartsville, South Carolina.

 What a great place to live, work, and volunteer.  And we here at the Only Funny To Us Podcast pride ourselves on being a community-minded group of people, volunteering and helping out whenever and wherever we can. We’re glad to do it.

Well, all of us except Steve.  

As anyone who has listened to the podcast knows, Steve doesn’t much like people.  He barely likes us.  He doesn’t like town functions (led by people he refers to as “townies”).  

He also doesn’t like helping. 

Anyone.

Ever.

He barely helps himself.  He does, however, make rare exceptions…sort of.

 Here’s an example.  TJ’s brother, also named Steve, was moving.  TJ asked Steve Crowley for help.  No, I don’t know what was wrong with TJ or why he would do that. Reluctantly, our Steve agreed to help.  Not the best idea. As TJ tells it, “He moved a couch pillow, and maybe a house plant.  Then, he disappeared.”

We think you get the idea.

  Now, imagine, if you will, our surprise when some startling information came our way this week from our crack team of researchers, led by local historian and all around good guy, John Specht. He creatively acquired a long forgotten newspaper article along with some damning photographs

We now have proof that Steve Crowley has been a secret “townie” all along!

Click to enlarge, read, and be outraged.

Take a minute. Breathe. Read it again.

A couple of quotes from the article stand out.

“Crowley volunteers”

Crowley…volunteers??  What the hell?  We didn’t think he had ever volunteered for anything in his life! But, here it is, in black & white.  Keith and Jane Crowley’s baby boy…volunteering! (Also note, neither his maid, nor butler appear in any of the photos)

“I enjoy working with the women at the chamber”

This, is no surprise.  

  Steve is 44. And at the age of 44, he seems to spend an inordinate amount of time at his mother’s retirement home. Why you may ask?  Well, no one has ever been 100% sure.  We’ve only had theories.  And one of those theories was that Steve loves the older ladies.  And this article seems to confirm that.  So, 44 years old now and hanging with a bunch of 70-80 year olds.  Fifteen then…hmm…yeah.  We could see him putting the moves on the 30-40 year old desperate housewives at the Chamber.  

Now, we know what you may be thinking.  “He only folded newspapers.  That’s not that difficult.”  And, you’d be correct.  If that was all there was, we may have just left it alone.  But then, another couple of pictures came our way.

Steve Crowley on a ladder!

Steve Crowley on a ladder, WORKING!

We were shocked.  We’re still shocked.  Look at him. Up on a ladder, like a little ginger Bob Villa.

We still wonder if he went to that Coffee Club meeting he’s spelling out in the photo. Perhaps that’s where his java obsession began. They say your later sexual proclivities are formed during puberty.

 What have we learned from all of this?

  Personally, we know not to bother asking Steve to do anything, but now we see the reasons. It can only be said that not only is he lazy, but he cannot function without the direct supervision of a matronly woman nearly twice his age spurring him on. In the future, if the OFTU Podcast is to survive, TJ will either have to remarry a much older woman, or continue his tradition for wearing lady’s clothes and acting like Steve’s mother.

Co-authored by Ben Quick and Clif Wilson, who always wanted to be authors. Sadly, this is the result of all those efforts.